misplaced loyalty

It’s my fault, I know it.

Historically, I’ve a tendency to embrace a new person/company without reservation, flinging myself into the relationship with abandon. Never stopping to think…does that person/company deserve my loyalty?

Everything is rosy at first. Who can resist feeling useful? That’s human nature. Requests for help are met with an unqualified yes from me. Photography, accounting, writing, you name it. If I think I can help someone and I have the skills they need, I jump right in there. Both feet. Right smack into Very Deep Quicksand.

There’s reciprocity at first, and seemingly genuine gratitude, but the further I go down this happy-to-help-you road, the quicker that all falls by the wayside.

And then it starts….

Slowly, at first. More solicitations for help, which isn’t really the point, but also more expectations of hearing “yes.” I don’t notice, then I do, that the requests come either more frequently or with less appreciation, or both. All of a sudden, the person/company thinks they’re entitled.

It’s often not the favor they want that’s so objectionable, it’s their presumption that I won’t say no, no matter what it is. “Let’s ask Deb! She’ll do it!”

Eventually the person/company makes an assumption that’s so outlandish, it pushes me over the cliff.

I’ve got examples. Boy, do I have examples….

*The woman who asked me to do her corporation’s year-end and tax returns. She knew, at the time, that they’d be filing Chapter 11 soon, but “forgot” to tell me. Believe it or not, that wasn’t the shove over the cliff….it was when she destroyed my pre-petition invoice, then picked up the phone to call and tell me what she’d done, and, thinking she was doing me a favor, told me to re-bill the company post-petition. In other words, commit fraud. She assumed, being “friends,” that I’d do that. Result? Loss of about $2,000. But I kept my license and my integrity.

*The guy who wanted accounting help for his firm. I actually took personal days off from my “real job” to go have a look. Seems his bookkeeper was double-booking his cash receipts, his trust account hadn’t been balanced in a year, and his bookkeeper before that had stolen from him (Quelle Surprise). He said he’d pay me to straighten out the mess….until he got my bill, and cried like a school child. He still owes. Well over $1,000. Thus far I have restrained myself from prancing back and forth in front of his office door with my middle fingers extended.

*The company/VP who wanted writing help. [I was the college kid who tested out of all the English requirements and re-wrote every composition my dorm mates brought to me. See? I was doing it way back then, too.] I edited submissions for awards. I proofread. I started writing for the newsletter. The shit hit the proverbial fan when one of my articles was used without authorization for another corporate entity, and another was so badly edited when published that it’s completely FUBAR’d. I’ve asked for a retraction or a reprint, but have yet to get it.

*The woman whom I fed every holiday, did innumerable favors for, free tax work for over a decade, garden labor, loans….was discovered to be trash-talking about me behind my back in terms that would make a sailor blush.

So…what to do, what to do? One can hardly spend the rest of one’s life never trusting another person/company. As soon as I take that approach, some very worthy non-blood-sucking people/companies are sure to come into my life, and I wouldn’t want to pass on the opportunity to get involved with the Good Guys. On the other hand, having had my teeth kicked in so many times, I’m inclined to go sit in the time-out corner and contemplate the situation. I’m taking pizza and beer with me; I might just stay there awhile.