understated confidence

Once in a while, you have a day where you just know Someone Upstairs is trying to get their point across. I would be the first to admit I’m a little dense, maybe even stubborn, so it often takes more than one ‘lesson’ before rational thought sinks in. OK, maybe many, many more than just one. At least, this time, the message was subtle instead of the hit-me-over-the-head-with-a-two-by-four lesson that I’ve been subjected to for, oh, say, at least five years running now. Maybe that means I’m almost there.

Last week, I got to observe all the disparities in egos humanly possible (it would seem), compacted into two hours, within the confines of an open house, fueled by cocktails. People watching couldn't have been much better. All the attendees were accomplished businessmen of some flavor. I myself was responsible for two of the guests, who both turned out to be totally delightful.

Talking to them, meeting other guests, watching the rest…the contrasts were glaring. Some of the (primarily) men there were successful beyond my wildest imagination, but they were not the peacocks in the crowd. Most likely to strut and preen were those who’d run their lives aground and were desperately trying to convince themselves (and all around them) that they were big shots, perfect examples of the success they thought they were or pretended to be. Pretense and the real deal in the same room; I saw the businessman’s equivalent of the woman who walks into a party wearing revealing clothing, laughing too loudly, too often, in all the wrong places, all the while looking over her shoulder to see who might be noticing. The behavior of each is born of insecurity.

I know one thing. Ego can be defined many ways, and you have to have some to get through life without getting trampled. Ego run amok is something else. A quiet confidence which springs from the knowledge of self and one’s capabilities, unthreatened by others’ intellects and accomplishments, speaks to that first kind of ego.

That, it seems, is what I’ve been looking for, and that, it seems, is what so many don’t have, substituting arrogance and bravado for self-confidence. Anyone with that kind of uncontrollable egotism I don’t need.

You’re on notice. Get out!