It’s been another brutal few months, and I tend to not feel terribly
creative when so much energy is sucked out of me by stressful situations.
This was the year I thought would be the turn-around, and for a while,
it looked like it was going to work out that way.
True, I did get out of a tormenting business entanglement with crooks
and felons, and found myself a much better situation with reliable, honest
management. How it happened was total serendipity. That particular five year
nightmare is, so it seems, behind me. [I wish the rest of them were.]
True, I did have a position for awhile, one that I’d sought for a long
time. I knew it was the right path, just the wrong owner, wrong company.
“Ethical issues.” Too bad I have some, and she doesn’t. [Luna-Bitch calls IRS
regs on travel and entertainment expenses “gray areas.” I kinda think they’d
disagree.] And, from what I’ve heard, everything I predicted would happen at
The Circus is coming to pass. Still, I would’ve preferred to say until the door
closed. It’s not like I’m not used to working for bankrupt companies or
anything, right?
Those two events pointed to a better year, which I swore, a year ago,
had to happen. Maybe it was. Right now it doesn’t seem like it; I’m operating
in crisis mode again.
Then there are other issues and observations starting to make me wonder
what the hell….
…How is it that some people, even though they have never done what you
aspire to do, and don’t even know anyone who has, think they can give you advice
on how to get there or, rather, why you can’t, or never will, or should stop
trying?
…Why does a sudden stroke of financial luck turn some folks into
experts on everything? All of a sudden, they’re smarter than you, and you’re an
idiot. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but it’s where it’s coming from
that has me floored this time.
…Then there are friends that you don’t know how they got to be so
important, but are glad as hell they’re in your life right now, making you
laugh when everyone else is just criticizing and doubting.
There has to be a time when it stops getting worse, and starts getting
better. I’d settle for a homeostatic state at this point.
Oh. Yeah. My damned birthday is particularly irritating this year, and
it’s more than just the number that’s bugging me: it’s the situation I find myself
in when that number turns that I hate.
So, in the hopes of distracting myself from all of that for just one day….I lined up a full day,
but Mother Nature brought a blizzard to the party. Two of the four activities I’d
planned have been cancelled, possibly a third. I sit around the house enough,
and it may sound relaxing to folks that don’t get to do that very often, but I’ve
had all the “peace and quiet” I can stand, I’m over it, and I’ll be damned if I
want to do that this birthday.
“Pre-spring?” I know. A friend of mine uses that to trick herself into
thinking positive thoughts about the arctic we go through from now ‘til end of
high school basketball season. I think I’ll give it a try. Spring, real spring,
won’t come any too soon this time.
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