real knitting

I did it!

My first “big” knitting project is complete.

Here is it, modeled by Delores the Dummy.

The pattern is easy (oh yeah, right). It is, really, sort of. The biggest problem is staying awake through 32” of rib knitting. More than once I’d come to and look down in a panic to see what I’d done in my sleep.

Then there’s that one row…the increase row….K1, M1, P in front and back of st. What???

After some whimpering, MK took pity on me and whizzed through that row. Turns out there’s a trick to M1, and I’m glad I didn’t try this on my own. Off I went to finish the last 40 rows.

My brain shut down, did the equivalent of a computer blue screen on the bind off row. Twice. I’m still not sure how I manage to recover and fix it.

After still more whining and crying, MK stitched up the sides for me too; I just didn’t want to ruin it, after all those hours of work.

I’m looking forward to the next project. I now know what SSK and YO means. Who’d have thought?!

Night Before Christmas, My Way

I rewrote the traditional “A Visit From St. Nicholas” a few weeks ago. The occasion was the annual Tree to Toothpicks contest held by the local wine store I haunt (thus the references to wine throughout). Each year, the town where the shop is located situates a tree smack dab in the middle of a busy intersection. The streets in this village are tough enough to navigate as it is, being narrow and typically jammed with parked cars. The point of the contest is for everyone to make their best guess as to when the tree will be knocked flat. A few years back, folks started offering up their own creative ideas.

This year, I got creative….and won the contest. Here’s my entry.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Z-town

Tired, restless shopkeepers waited to shut down.

Still, customers crowded Cottage aisles in a long line.

They stayed 'til they bought the very last bottle of wine.

The cellar was empty, and so were the the shelves.

Nothing to be done but ask help of the elves.

The Wine Guy looked north skyward and mumbled with a sigh,

"Oh Santa, one more case of Spottswood, and I could get by."

Down in Ft. Lauderdale, security eyed Santa with dread

As he came walking in from vacation, they started shaking their heads.

TSA agents protested, "We can't do that full body scan."

"Just look at Santa! He's too fat a man!"

Off belts! Off buckles! Shoes, socks and hat!

All in preparation for the full body pat.

Mrs. Claus, watching Santa, pulled out her iPhone

And Tweeted all the elves, "We may never get home."

An urgent text went out from the elves

To the reindeer, "Get ready, you may have to make deliveries yourselves."

All the elves and reindeer, upset at Santa's fate,

Determined they would not let Christmas be late.

NOAA called the North Pole hotline, "You'd better hurry.

This storm looks to be oh so much more than just flurries."

Elf Paul, one last time, checked Santa's Facebook,

Then called down to the shop floor, "You'd better have a look."

"The Wine Guy has posted a last minute plea.

His wine shortage has been declared a county-wide emergency."

"Not so fast," Elf Linda replied, "Check that naughty list more than twice.

Are you positive Wine Guy's been nothing but nice?"

Dasher & Dancer were marking their flight plans in red.

"Cottage has no chimney, we'll have to use an airport instead."

"Is it in Boone County, or Hamilton?" Dancer studied the charts.

"I don't know," Dasher answered, "We'll figure it out after we start."

The sleigh was piled high with bags, boxes, toys, clothes,

Over departure weight, but miraculously, into the sky it rose!

Just over Canada (it wasn't too long),

Something began to go terribly wrong.

The sleigh wandered left, then banked to the right.

Prancer grumbled, "Rudolph can't navigate! We'll be up here all night!"

An FAA controller stared aghast at his screen.

This was the worst flight pattern he'd ever seen.

Vixen stared at his cockpit and discovered the mess.

"Indy control, we've got a problem, we've lost our GPS!"

Comet peered through the blizzard, "I don’t like what I see.

I'd swear that bright light's not the airport beacon, but a TREE!"

"Pull back! Go around!" Cupid cried. "We're going to crash!"

But too late...the sleigh slid and skidded, into the tree…then...a huge flash…

…the sad tree lay in toothpicks, broken ornaments, lights and wire.

Sparks flew. Adding insult to misery, the tree caught on fire.

Snow fell. Mist and smoke arose to the sky.

From inside the Cottage, someone started to cry.

A quiet crowd gathered, hushed, fingers crossed,

Hoping for a Christmas miracle, that not all would be lost.

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

As the mist drifted skyward, there stood the sleigh...and all nine reindeer.

The bottles unbroken, Wine Guy laughed with delight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

loyalty

After having a marginally shitty day…I find that some people on the planet are good…

…I’m in the kitchen, maybe around 6:30pm…Jasmine is outside, the garage door is hanging open, and she’s barking her fool head off. Turns out my landscaper was out there, delivering those huge poinsettias he brings every year.

I’ve never been so happy to see him or that plant. I had to restrain myself from hugging him…especially when he told me that he was not charging me for the replacement of the lamppost. I had a hunch, since I’d not gotten a bill. He says, as I’ve heard so many other people say, that he can’t figure out how I’ve managed this long. I gave him a loaf of the Italian bread I make every year for gifts before he left. I hope he and his wife like it.

Lord. I wish more people on the earth were like him. He knows I haven’t changed. He knows I’m loyal. He knows that, once I get work, I’ll be back.

Loyalty. Why is that so rare?